A patients journey with vaginismus

Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles of the vagina involuntarily tense. People experience it at the start of sex, while inserting a tampon or while getting a pelvic exam. Vaginismus can make intercourse painful or impossible. It is one of the most common female psychosexual dysfunctions. It is associated with significant distress and deterioration in quality of life for women. The prevalence of vaginismus in the general population is estimated between 5% and 17%.

We are so grateful to one of our patients for generously sharing her story, in hopes that it helps other women with confidently navigating their own healthcare.

Here’s what she has to say:  

“I first realized something was wrong with my vagina when my boyfriend, now my husband, and I attempted PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex for the first time when we both were 24 years old. It was a moment we both anticipated with excitement and a bit of nervousness, as it was our first time. However, as he tried to insert, I felt a sudden thrust that startled my body and my vagina, leaving me feeling scared and incredibly sad. I had heard so much about the wonders of sex and was devastated that it hurt. I shed tears, feeling broken, and while my boyfriend was super supportive, promising we’d try again, the trauma of that experience lingered. Unbeknownst to me, I had a condition called Vaginismus.

For a couple of years, penetration remained impossible. My body would instinctively clench when anything approached my vagina. This led to various attempts at intimacy without penetration, but the underlying issue persisted, creating a sense of brokenness within me. We were still happy and shared intimacy and emotional bond but I just couldn’t stop thinking of how I had something wrong with my body.

Amidst this struggle, I began experiencing severe abdominal pain, frequent urination, and bad cramps during my periods. Initially misdiagnosed as acid reflux, I eventually discovered through a female PCP that I had endometriosis, with large cysts on my ovaries and fallopian tubes. The only solution was laparoscopic surgery to remove the cysts and scrape out the endometriosis. While the surgery went well and preserved my reproductive organs, the recovery was long and painful, compounded by the formation of scar tissue.

The onset of COVID-19 further complicated matters, making access to therapy difficult. Around the same time, my boyfriend was diagnosed with lymphoma. :( Our world shattered. Isolated due to the pandemic, I became his primary caregiver through his chemotherapy treatments. Despite the fear and uncertainty, his strong-headed positivity kept us going. After six rounds of therapy and countless hospital visits, he went into remission, and we were overjoyed. *Happy tears *

Once he was on the mend, we resumed focusing on my Vaginismus and endometriosis. I sought physical therapy, but the clinical approach overwhelmed me, and I wasn’t regular with my exercises. However, after our marriage—a joyous event that felt like a dream come true—I decided to tackle my condition more seriously.

That’s when I found Dr. Amy Aronson. From our first consultation, she was empathetic and dedicated to helping me. Her therapy environment was relaxed and homey, with good music and pleasant scents that made me feel safe. I started to make real progress, getting comfortable with dilators and relaxing my pelvic floor muscles. She introduced me to intimate rose dialators and I discovered the Facebook group through the reviews of the dialators and I am so glad that I found my herd. It was so nice to not feel alone for once. 

Throughout a year of ups and downs, including another surgery to remove a benign but painful lump from my abdomen, I never stopped making progress. Dr. Amy introduced me to a supportive gynecologist, setting a goal of successfully undergoing a Pap smear. I was terrified, having failed a Pap smear attempt before due to tension and clenching. However, in December 2023, just before turning 31, I had a successful Pap smear using dilator number 6 for preparation. I was overjoyed and shared the news with Dr. Amy, feeling like I had crossed a significant hurdle.

Despite moments of doubt, I persisted with therapy, eventually reaching dilator number 7. Though it was uncomfortable, I could insert it. Dr. Amy believed I was ready for penetration, but I remained unsure. One day, after using dilator number 6, I called my husband to try PIV. Nervous but determined, I prepared myself for failure, promising not to let it discourage me.

To my amazement and overwhelming joy, we achieved penetration on the first attempt at 32 years old !!! After nearly a decade of struggles, I couldn’t believe it. I cried happy tears, feeling a profound sense of accomplishment. While it wasn’t entirely pain-free, it wasn’t very painful either. I shared this triumph with Dr. Amy, thanking her for her support.

Today, my husband and I are happier than ever. While I still aim for completely pain-free sex, I am grateful for the progress we’ve made and look forward to what the future holds for us. This also gives us hopes to bring a life into this world.

I hope this story helps anyone who is going through something similar. Know that this is possible and you are not broken.”